I’ve realized why celebrities like Matthew McConaughey like to go out with their kids: to look cool! Oh, and I’m sure to share experiences, love them, etc.
The other day, I took the Cool Bros into Manhattan by subway. That meant taking Cool Boy by the hand, strapping Cool Newbie on my front, slinging two bags on my back, and boarding a train that was sure to fill up. During the 45-min ride, I deduced a few of the reasons that CM uses the nice express bus over the subway:
- Doesn’t get crowded
- Cushioned seats
- Lower likelihood that someone urinated in said seats
Yeah, it’s time to once again check our weekend and assess our coolness. As if Mondays weren’t bad enough. Instead of making this a long post, I’ll split it up accordingly.
FRIDAY, JULY 30
Friday afternoon, I found out that Irish folk rock duo The Swell Season was playing for free in Prospect Park, a large park in Brooklyn, as part of the Celebrate Brooklyn! concert series. Cool Mum and I have been fans of the group after seeing the movie Once, that starred the duo, Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová.
I was pumped to find out about the free show, but reality set in about 0.47 sec later, when I realized that it would be impossible for us to go. There was just no way for us to get the two boys (3 y/o Cool Baby and 7 week-old Cool Newbie) down there. The reasons:
- It was a 45-min subway ride to get down there.
- CN is too young to get on a crowded subway car.
- CN would probably cry during the tender moments of the piano and acoustic act, enraging our fellow concertgoers and leading them to believe that we were Manhattanite members the Desecrate Brooklyn! movement.
- It was way past CB’s bedtime.
So, we missed out on the super-cool thing to do in NYC that night, but we were actually fine with it. Instead, we spent a quiet evening at home, talking to each other in relative peace. This is something that we rarely get to do with a crying baby and constant flow of friends hanging out (which we love). So, while talking at home on a Friday night might cost us [-4 cool points], it was totally worth it.
On the 6 train that I take to work, it gets crowded. Every morning, two cars’ worth of people waiting on the platform try to jam into an already stuffed car. One ad proudly proclaims that another subway line is opening up on the Upper East Side to alleviate crowding. In 2015.
When we’re all packed face-to-face, it’s definitely no good when someone squeezes in with a bulky purse or laptop bag slung on their shoulder. A backpack will just get ya yelled at.
The other day I was innocently standing in the aisle when a dude filled in behind me. Annoyingly, dude was wearing a laptop bag and when he adjusted it on his back, it pressed firmly against my derrière. If it was just a momentary tush push, I would’ve been OK with that. However, he was clueless or just didn’t care that he was assaulting my rear guard.
If this train were crowded, Guy in Polo might get arsesaulted
I’m normally calm when it comes to rudeness on the subway. People are just too cramped and irritated to risk a confrontation. But I just had to get back at this guy in my own weird way.
One paranoia of mine is someone robbing me on a crowded train. So with his bag slammed against my tookus, I started erratically flexing my gluteus maximus to give the impression that someone was tinkering with his precious leather case. I figured that he would panic and whip around only to see the backs of innocent everyday commuters. What he wouldn’t see would be my sly grin as I exacted my mind-bending revenge.
Sadly, he soon got off the train with no freakout. I’d like to think that his mind actually was messed with and that he just didn’t want to risk making a scene. Maybe he did learn the lesson of leaving butts alone, always a wise moral to live by.
Either way, I got yet another ridiculous post out of the experience and a quick bum-toning workout to boot!