Last Monday, we posted a video musical tour of our latest apartment, the Cool Duplex. Unlike our guided tour of the Cool Studio, this one had plenty of vocals, but no words. We’re sure that the video left plenty of you at a loss for words as well. We’ll explain ourselves as well as some things about the Cool Duplex that you should know.
THE SONG
As much as I would like to claim so, I did not compose nor sing the incredible the epic overture that the tour is set to. It is actually a song called “I Am Glad I’m Finally Going Home” that was performed on a 1970s Russian variety show. The song has become a viral video among mostly the internet geek community; you probably won’t see the morning shows talking about it like Losiah Whittaker’s meltdown. If you want the details, I refer you to our friend Wikipedia.
THE APARTMENT
As entertaining and disturbing as my tour was, you didn’t learn much about the apartment. Lemme break it down for ya.
The place is a duplex, meaning it has two floors. Our roommates share the large bottom floor, dividing their spaces with curtains. To commemorate Good Friday, I tore their curtains in half when they weren’t home. Just kidding.
Here, I ascend the spiral staircase from the bottom floor. We have a baby gate for the entrance; it’s just open so I don’t fumble with it while filming. CB is also too big to fit between those bars, but we will install some guards for any littler ones coming over.
I’m walking in from where the front door is. The coat closet is actually our closet where our hanging clothes are as well as CB’s strollers. The bathroom door has an organizer hanging on the inside of the door. That’s how four adults’ personal hygiene items are stored in one small bathroom. The organizer is held up by some hooks that hang over the door, which prevents the bathroom door from closing all the way. We haven’t had an embarrassing barge-in yet, though I’d bet I’ll be the first victim since Cool Baby has a habit of running through the door when I’m in there. continued…
Jesus is the #1 reason for the Christmas season. However, it’s a little known fact that the #2 reason for The Season is for your family to discover how horrible of a parent you are.
This is how a holiday vacation goes from a Merry Christmas to your family wondering if they should’ve kept the birds and bees to themselves.
- You, your adorable son (we’ll call him Hobart), and family are having a peaceful time at home.
- Aunt Gertie says that Hobart should do something that sounds fun to her.
- You ask Hobart to do it; he says no.
- You politely tell Hobart to do it; he says no.
- You tell Gertie, “Maybe later.” Gertie insists, “Now.”
- You reason (wrestle) with Hobart, who eventually concedes (cries, screams, gives up).
- Gertie tsks and declares, “If he were mine, I would…”
So, Aunt Gertie puts your li’l Hobie in a situation that he fights against, leaving you to struggle with getting him to cooperate AND possibly disciplining him, all while Gertie sits back and sympathizes (videotapes it for YouTube). The irony is that while Gertie admonishes you on what you should have done, you know that you would have never created the situation in the first place because you know better!
The situation that inspired this post was brief and relatively harmless. I just found the irony of it amusing. My family actually thinks that we are good parents. Mainly because we send them pictures of him hanging out with reputable celebrities.
I have analyzed the situation and found quite a few good things about being pregnant in NYC as opposed to more suburban locations. Sure, there are some bad things, but the good things are pretty darn good.
1. You can theoretically walk anywhere you need to go for the entire 9 months, avoiding other vomit-inducing transportation options. So long, in-car barf buckets!
2. You are never more than half a block away from a street-corner trash can, just in case. In addition, shoebox-sized apartments increase the odds of dropping Chuck off at the Superbowl on time.
4. An inexpensive foot massage and pedicure is literally around the corner.
5. Midnight cravings? Any food imaginable can be delivered within minutes.
6. By third trimester, almost guaranteed a seat on any crowded bus or train (one would hope).
7. The satisfaction of knowing that your child will always be cool due to having “New York City” on their birth certificate.
8. You have the world’s best excuse to get an expensive stroller–it will be your car. And last I checked, they are still cheaper than cars. Slightly.
9. Have your chance at the clichéd “I gave birth in a taxi cab” story. On second thought, just walk to the delivery room.
photo: Ed Yourdon
There’s more Cool Fam in NYC! At least for the next few days. Cool Grandmum and Cool Cuz – on Cool Dad’s side – arrived in NYC on Thursday. CD’s family used to live in the Northeast, so this is a return to old stomping grounds for CG. These past couple of days have been a mix of city living (laundry and groceries) and tourist living (Times Square and museums) for them.
On Friday night, the rain held back, so after a cheap but tasty meal of chicken, rice and beans, and plantains, followed by New York-style cheesecake, we three Filipinos went to Times Square while Cool Mum and Baby relaxed at home.
I urged restraint and modesty, but I could not stop CG and CC from getting close to the scantily-clad street performers. Here’s what’s sure to incite scandal in the simple Florida heartland where they live:
To be honest, Cool Grandmum and Cool Cuz were very hesitant to take a picture with The Naked Cowboy. He had a good crowd around him, and young ladies with heeeuge smiles were running one after another to him. Even a little boy got a photo opp. CG and CC were about to back out, but I pressed on, even giving them a dollar to tip him. They finally succumbed to pressure and are ever so glad they did.
Some interesting facts about The Naked Cowboy:
- His real name is Robert John Burke.
- He has a bachelors’ in Political Science from the University of Cincinnati.
- He is an ordained minister.
- He regularly performs in New Orleans for Mardi Gras and other events around the US.
Some interesting facts about Cool Dad:
- My middle name is John.
- I have a bachelors’ degree from the University of Florida.
- I’ve been a worship minister of a sort for the past 12 years.
- I’ve been to New Orleans a couple of times.
I think it’s obvious that the quest to find my calling in life is over. Get ready for the biggest thing to hit New York City since the Simon and Garfunkel reunion in Central Park.
Sorry, but I couldn’t find any pictures of me playing guitar in my underwear. Thankfully, those were all purged as part of the settlement. Or at least that’s what the judge told me…
How does New York City rate as a place to raise a family?
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