I have tremendous respect for women. My mom is one. After seeing Cool Mum go through two pregnancies, I witnessed a woman’s strength and resolve. And recently, I learned just how hard it is to be a woman.
During a game of wallyball a few years ago, I jumped and felt a little *pop* in my lower left back. My back tightened for the rest of the game, but I didn’t think much of it. The next morning, I tried to get out of bed and the worst pain I’d ever felt in my life (and I’ve seen Waterworld) burned in my back and left leg. When I finally took a step, my knees buckled from the pain.
I have tremendous respect for doctors. My dad is one. But I never go to them – not when I’m sick, not when I broke the little bone in my left pinky, and not then. I had full faith in my Filipino body to heal itself, and my back got better over a long 6 or so weeks. However, my back never fully healed, and I’ve since had persistent pain in my lower back whenever I put strain on it.
Now with an increasingly heavy Cool Baby to swing around, I decided to take action. I went to the doctor, and he prescribed an X-ray. I’ve had MRIs and ultrasounds, so I figured this would be no big deal.
At the radiology clinic, after a long wait and an annoying guy bellowing into his cell phone next to the DO NOT TALK ON YOUR CELL PHONE sign, I was led to the X-ray floor along with another dude. The elevator girl told Dude to go into the changing room and take off his shirt and put on a gown. She told me the same. Yes. No embarrassing breezy gown action for me.
When I put the gown on, I couldn’t remember whether it ties in the front or the back. The back sounded right, so I tried my best to tie it behind my neck. I took a seat in the waiting area with a revealing neckline that would make Dolly Parton blush. Dude sat down a minute later with his gown neatly tied in the front.
Radiology Girl called me up. She looked me over, frowned, and commanded, “You need to take your pants off, too.” But Elevator Girl said… I dutifully marched to the changing room, pantsed myself, and tried to do the best tie job I can do behind my neck and waist. I heard EG tell someone, “Remove your bra and pants.” Don’t listen to her! I bet the lady’s only here for a broken toe.
As I was fumbling with the gown, RG asked if I’m ready yet. Geez, give a guy a minute or ten. I slunk out and rushed past the waiting area. Dude was smirking in his front-tied gown and jeans, I’m sure of it.
The X-ray went without incident. Then RG instructed me to sit and wait for the results. Can’t I change first?? Before I could protest, she was gone and I acknowledged that we’d have to redo it if the prints or whatever didn’t come out right. I sat in my seat and realized to my horror that Braless and Pantsless Lady with the Broken Toe was sitting across from me. Thus began a most awkward ten minutes.
Sitting like I normally do, since normally I wear pants or shorts in public, I realized that BPLBT could see right up my gown, which hung like a skirt on me. I went into crisis mode and evaluated my options:
1. MOVE TO ANOTHER SEAT
This was the layout of the waiting area. (click to enlarge)
Although there were three free seats, I only had one viable choice. Seat 3 would not work because then Dude would be able to see up my gown. Better than BPLBT, but I preferred an option that did not involve someone seeing up my gown.
Seat 2 was not good because, though no one would see up my gown, BPLBT was braless and pantsless, and she probably knew that I knew it, so it would be all sorts of creepy for me to get up and sidle next to her.
That left Seat 1, which would’ve been a little weird sidling next to Dude, but we could all agree it was the best choice. However, I realized that if I moved, my whole back-tied gown might fall off. I was stuck.
2. QUICKLY SPREAD MY LEGS AND PUSH THE MIDDLE DOWN
Though my movements may not be as spry and cat-like as in my youth, I thought about quickly spreading my legs and pushing the gown down in the middle. Then I realized that if I spread ‘em, the gown might hike up to the point where there would not be any gown to push down, in effect flashing BPLBT and earning yet another arrest for indecent exposure (not really).
3. KEEP MY LEGS TOGETHER, HOWEVER UNCOMFORTABLE, AND SIT LIKE A STATUE
And I did just that.
All the while, Dude waited, with his front-tied gown and pants, sitting spread-eagle, mocking me. And then Annoying Guy came in, smacking his gum, and planted himself in Seat 3. Just to annoy me, he crossed his legs.
To bide the agonizing time, I wrote this blog post in my head and repeated it to myself until RG came and said that everything was good and I could leave. I carefully stood up and fled the waiting area, leaving behind a cloud of dust and my dignity.
In the dressing room, I front-tied my gown to see what it would look like. It looked like ridiculous. I almost took a picture with my phone, but figured that I had had enough weird behavior for one radiology appointment.
As I exited the clinic, the ladies at the desk, who were expressionless earlier, seemed way too happy to see me, all smiling ear-to-ear. They had to have been watching me on some security cameras. I smiled sheepishly and left, pretty sure of their two prevailing thoughts:
- BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- Now you know how we feel.
Yes, I do.
Cool Baby uses his role-playing skills and acts out everyday life in the Cool Duplex. Using animal finger puppets, of course. I play the role of Cool Newbie, while CB plays himself.
CB’s vivid imagination bodes well for his future in role-playing games like Dungeons and Dragons and, to a lesser extent, Final Fantasy! Wait, that’s not really a good thing, is it? [-3 cool points]
Lunch was a phenomenal piece of chicken and tomato pizza from Maffei’s. It may have been better than the one I had from Two Boots last night (Cool Mum will likely chastise me later for all of the pizza-eating).
One moment before devouring my slice today: I noticed a hair-thin string of what I thought was cheese. And then I realized that it may have been hair-thin because it was a hair. I put the thought out of my mind and went about my business of eating. However, the inspiration for this deeply moving blog post was already set in motion.
What do you do when you find a hair (not yours) in your food?
It’s almost been a year since the last tour of a Cool Fam apartment, the infamous one-room, 200 square-foot Cool Studio. After that, we spent six months in the 5th floor, no elevator Cool One-Bedroom. We wanted to give you a tour and show the glee I experienced hauling our stroller up and down four flights of stairs, but it never happened.
To make up for that, here is a tour of our new place that we share with two roommates, the Cool Duplex, put to our favorite new song.
There’s a reason behind this other than us completely losing it. If you don’t get it, here’s the joke.
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I adore the Florida Gators, but they weren’t my first sports love. That honor goes to the professional basketball squad in Massachusetts: the Boston Celtics. The Cs were the first team that I remember choosing for myself to like and not because I had a little souvenir bat (Boston Red Sox) or a kids’ green bathrobe (New York Jets). I was 10 when Celtics fever hit me.
So, when I found a steal on Celtics tickets on Slickdeals, my eyebrows were raised as high as the team’s 17 championship banners. I’ve always dreamed of seeing the Cs play in person. The catch was that the cheap seats were single ones, which are obviously harder to sell than groups of seats because normal people go to sporting events with friends. Obviously, I was sold.
I hatched a brilliant plan:
- Buy cheap ticket.
- Rent car and go to Boston with the Cool Fam for the weekend.
- Attend the game with Cool Baby on my lap. Father and son’s first sporting event. Tears of sentimentality will be shed as our faces are shown on the big screen.
And what’s that they say about not counting your eggs?
- Cheap ticket bought – incredible $116 seat bought for $30.
- Renting a car and paying for gas was going to be pretty expensive.
- The game started at 7:30, 30 minutes after CB’s bedtime. He probably wouldn’t be a happy basketball fan, exhausted and sitting on my lap (most basketball fans wouldn’t).
The hundreds of dollars to rent the car and gas and the four-hour drive were the deal breaker. I bought the ticket knowing that I could sell it easily if we didn’t make the trip. So, I put the ticket up for sale online. And I checked the view again. And then I took ticket down. I couldn’t pass up a great seat to see the Celtics play in Boston. I talked with Cool Mum, and last Friday afternoon, I boarded a bus to Boston.
It was a four-hour ride that was quite comfortable. Big seats, lots of legroom, free wi-fi. I met our friends Nate and Wendy, and they generously treated me to dinner in Quincy Market. We walked to the Celtics’ arena, TD Garden, and they saw me off. I entered the horde of green-clad Boston fans alone and in awe.
I had visions of me having the best time ever, despite attending the game alone. I would strike up a conversation with the people next to me, and we would bond over our love of the Cs. They would celebrate my first game with me and maybe even exchange Twitter handles.
In reality, I had a great time, but I kept to myself. I got there early and took it all in in peace for a while. My neighbors eventually arrived, and they were a couple that didn’t seem interested in getting to know the weird brown guy sitting by himself taking pictures and wearing a Gator shirt (it was the only shirt I had that had green on it). When the guy sat down, he put his arm around his gal and turned his back to me.
The Celtics seemed to have the game easily in hand, which meant that it was going to be close at the end. They’ve had a few late-game collapses this season. This game was no exception, but I honestly enjoyed the tight game a lot more than I probably would have a blowout.
After the game, I navigated the Boston subway line with surprising ease, got back to the bus station, had an Auntie Anne’s pretzel, and waited for the bus to pull out at 11:59pm. Again, comfy bus, so I pretty much slept until we arrived in NYC at 3:45am. Got home a little after 4:00. CB woke up at 5:00 (CM, a saint, let me sleep in).
An $80-dollar, 14-hour trek to see a basketball game by myself. Is it cool? Probably not, but I’m happy to check off one more dream as ‘done.’
My attempt at being a sports cameraman.
