Are We Still Cool? » growing up

One Truth That’s Taught Me Patience with the Cool Bros

Cool Dad — Fri, 04 May 2012 14:42:27 +0000

Cool Boy reached his most rebellious stage a few months ago, but things have mellowed out here, thanks be to God. He still has his moments, and I’m not surprised. He turns 5 this month and is becoming more independent with every day that passes. We may have turned the corner on rebellion, though, and we just might be at the stage where I can entrust CB with my daily administrative affairs. That would be awesome.

But I’m not in the clear yet. Cool Newbie’s about to turn 2, and dude is a spitfire. He’s not (too) destructive or (too) violent, but he has more of an attitude than his big bro did. He’s likely trying to establish street cred and respect since he’s literally the newbie around the Cool Household.

So since both Cool Bros can front some attitude, I’ve doubly had to remind myself of patience and love. During one recent episode, I dawned upon a truth that’s gone a long way in giving these little guys grace. Cool Boy was being unreasonable about something when I realized:

He’s only been alive for 4 years!

I know adults who make illogical decisions – some self-destructive – and throw virtual tantrums. They’ve been alive anywhere from 25 to 75 years. And here’s my little guy having an occasional moment of defiance, and he’s only been around 4 YEARS. As in, two years ago, he was just a little two-year-old! That’s pretty good! And Newbie’s only been on this earth for ONE YEAR and a half, so I need to cut the kid some slack! A year and a half ago, he wasn’t even born. Two and a half years ago, HE DIDN’T EVEN EXIST ANYWHERE IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE.

Remembering that our young children are actually very young has helped me in showing them more love and patience. I praise them even more for doing right and succeeding at little things.

I’m annoyed that it took me so long to figure out something so obvious, but go easy on me: I’ve only been at this for a couple of years!

Could the Cool Bros Be Models? [photos]

Happy Birthday, Cool Mum!!

Cool Dad — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 14:03:27 +0000

Today, I want to write about the birthday of my curly-haired beloved, whose gentle smile and unique sass have had an eternal impact on my life. So, I’m thrilled to say…

Happy Birthday, Ron Palillo, better known as Arnold Dingfelder Horshack on Welcome Back Kotter! Going strong at 63, my man!

Har, har – I couldn’t let April Fool’s go by without a little pranksterism. Of course, I’m really talking about our curly-haired, gentle-smiling, uniquely sassy Cool Mum! Happy Birthday, my love!!

We’re going out for a late lunch in Queens and then free birthday fro-yo on the Upper East Side. Then I’m going to abandon CM in the city to wander around and eventually find her way home. If you don’t think that’s a birthday blessing, you probably don’t have kids.

Wish Cool Mum a happy birthday in the comments, and say what you would get her if money were no object!

Cool Decade: Our Ten-Year Anniversary!

Cool Dad — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 18:11:52 +0000

The Cool Parents have been married for 10 years! Our anniversary was last Friday, and it was such raucous merriment that it took me a week to recover enough just to report back to you.

Of course, the big one-oh calls for celebrating BIG. Maybe a trip to stroll the Champs-Élysées. Or a jaunt to snorkel the Great Barrier Reef. If long-distance travel isn’t feasible, you at least have to get out of town. A long weekend in a mountainside cabin or an out-of-the-way bed and breakfast would be nice.

Or if you want to be like us (which I hardly recommend), spend the night at a friend’s place with your two kids in the room, and your friends and their three kids asleep in the rest of the apartment. An example of close-knit community? Yes. A romantic getaway befitting a decade of marriage? Not really. But that’s life in the Cool Fam.

Did I drop the ball in planning a nice time for Cool Mum and me? Well, I can say with complete confidence: Not this time!

The anniversary didn’t sneak up on me. In the approaching weeks and days, we went back and forth about what we were going to do. CM likes to know what’s going on so she can be part of the planning. We had grand ideas of staying at a (moderately) luxurious hotel in the city. We could get a room on the 30th or so floor and watch our city from above.

But the hotel plan didn’t materialize for two reasons:

We weren’t comfortable with the cost, which would’ve been at least $300 for the room and taxes. I was fine spending that much and more on our anniversary, but I didn’t feel right spending that on just a room. We could get 70 cookies from Levain Bakery for that much!
We couldn’t bring ourselves to ask friends to watch the Cool Bros overnight. Newbie wakes up at inhumane hours (2:30am every night like clockwork, and then maybe a few times after that).

We had tickets to a concert the night before our anniv (Thurs., March 1), so we concocted a plan to see the show and spend alone time on the town. The band went on at 10:30pm, so we had to get creative. The night proceeded like this:

8:45PM – We dropped the Cool Bros off at our friends’ apartment. Their kids were already in bed, so we quietly put our boys down for the night. Our friends kindly let us stay in their room.

9:25PM – With our boys in bed with minimal crying, we slipped out and soaked up Manhattan freedom. We caught a cab and sped down to the Lower East Side, where our concert was going to take place.

9:45PM – We ducked into a little Greek place down the street from the venue. I didn’t want to miss any of the show, so I felt rushed. We asked the host how long the food would take since we were in a hurry. I don’t know what I expected him to say: “Oh, the food will take longer than you need. You should just spend your money elsewhere.”

Instead, he said it would take “30 seconds or so.” It’s too bad that I didn’t get a Domino’s guarantee on that because it took much longer than 30 ticks, but not so long as to worry me. We threw down some chicken souvlaki and Greek fries (blanketed with crumbled Feta cheese), paid, and headed to the show.

10:20PM – When we got to the venue, Mercury Lounge, the opener was just finishing. Great timing. We found out later that Beyoncé was in the crowd, so we missed out on a fun anniversary celebrity run-in. I’ll have to keep a better eye out for Destiny’s Child alumni next time we go out.

11:00PM – The show begins! We’re there to see indie rock/dream pop act School of Seven Bells (video to my favorite song, “Half Asleep”). I discovered the band back in December, listened to a few tracks, and bought the tickets for this show, all over the course of few hours. By now, we’d had a full day, with CM having been up since the wee hours of the morning with Newbie. Still, we listened and danced a little to the sweet beats and harmonies.

12:30AM – After the show, we wondered what to do next in the City That Never Sleeps. Ironically, we couldn’t decide on anything. CM wanted to stop into a couple of spots to dance. I, the geezer of the family, said that I’d had enough loud music for one night. (Too bad I missed this tweet about the afterparty.)

1:30AM – We ended up taking the bus uptown and stopped in for black forest cake at a diner.

2:00AM – We arrived at our friends’ place, and the boys were sound asleep. We quietly crawled onto our friends’ bed for a quick nap until…

4:30AM – Newbie started to cry, and CM immediately scooped him up to keep him from waking everyone in the apartment. It’s his usual wake-up time, so he wasn’t going to go back down. We woke up Cool Boy, got them dressed, and scooted out the door.

5:00AM – We got back to our ‘hood and had a family breakfast at a local diner. When the TV announced that Coldplay was about to play in Times Square, we briefly considered heading back into the city. I guess the lack of sleep didn’t cause a complete overhaul of our brains because we decided against it.

The rest of Friday consisted of naps and then pizza and cream sodas while another friend watched the bros.

Thus ended our 10th Anniversary celebration – for now. Since we couldn’t pull off a single night blowout on our actual anniv, we’re just going to celebrate all year long. Don’t worry, NYC friends, we won’t be asking for biweekly sleepovers.

However, we’re going to be intentional about devoting undivided time to each other and doing more fun things (with and without the kids). And that’ll be an excellent foundation to lay for the next 10 years.

When Do You Say “I Love You?”: The Cool Parents’ Saga

Cool Dad — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 15:32:18 +0000

Happy Valentine’s Day! V-Day holds a special place in my heart because it was when Cool Mum told me “I love you.” Too bad for me that I told her a few months before, and waited and waited for the response I hoped for. So the story won’t be one-sided, we’ll tell the tale together.

Cool Dad: It was October, and CM and I had been dating for two months. I graduated from the University of Florida in August with a degree in the exciting and lucrative field of Industrial and Systems Engineering. As any sensible engineering grad would do, instead of pursuing an exciting and lucrative job, I stayed in Gainesville to pursue adventures with my Christian rock band.

Back to October, CM and I were on a weekend retreat with our campus ministry, the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, in Daytona Beach. My band led the worship music for the retreat. Though we had led worship for many weekend events in many beach towns along the Florida coast, this was a new experience for me: I had a girlfriend.

Our first two months had gone swimmingly. We enjoyed spending time together, and we rarely argued. It was only natural that on Saturday of the retreat, on the moonlit shore after a time of singing and praying as a group, that I Iooked into CM’s brown doe eyes and told her gently, sweetly: “I love you.”

Cool Mum: Well, it was a little more confusing than that. You actually finished up the prayer time by telling everyone to say “I love you” to all of their friends. I had no idea what to think! You probably said “I love you” to a couple of my friends and acquaintances on your way over to me!

CD: That was different. They didn’t have the distinction of being my girlfriend for a whole TWO months!

CM: One and a half months, to be exact. Does that seem a little early to you, looking back?

CD: Can true love every be too early?

CM: Maybe! I did have a best guy friend who wanted to marry me when we were 4. Aren’t you glad that didn’t pan out?

CD: I guess true love waits, too. I heard that somewhere. Anyway, after I told CM the three magical words, she looked back and said… What was it that you said?

CM: I think I may have said the words you wanted to hear. Silently. But it was all very confusing! I wasn’t quite ready to say it yet. Even though you already had my heart. Out loud, I may have said “Thank you.” And STILL you took me to look at rings that night. Remember, we settled on the kind that costs a quarter at the grocery store candy machine. I still have it on my keychain.

CD: Really? I don’t remember much after that. Actually, I don’t remember much before Cool Boy was born. I think I was hoping that you would accept the ring as like a fun, quirky, hey-lets-get-married-with-this-toy-ring-so-CD-won’t-have-to-go-diamond-shopping-and-learn-about-the-4-Cs kind of thing.

…Ring-shopping? Wow. What was I thinking? That’s way early!

CM: Well, with any other guy, I would’ve run for the hills. Somehow I didn’t want to!

CD: Thankfully, Florida has no hills!

CM: I guess I had no escape. I didn’t even have a car at that beach trip.

CD: I love it when a plan comes together.

CM: So what was it like for you when I didn’t return the three magical words to you?

CD: Well, it kind of derailed my hopes to kiss passionately on the beach with the tide washing over us. I think the music video for “Wicked Game” was my main inspiration.

Of course, I was disappointed. I didn’t know how it all worked. I was glad to still have you as my girl. CM can take the story from here. The ball was in her court.

CM: “Wicked game”…boy I sure hope my dad is not reading this.

The next few months were full of deep philosophical conversations about why I wasn’t ready to say it. I certainly didn’t want you to give up on me! Month after month would go by and I could see that it was taking its toll. But I was determined not to say it before I could mean it.

CD: Deep philosophical conversations…my favorite.

CM: Finally, early February, we were in church and singing a song that said “I love you” to Jesus. I remember thinking that it was my heart’s desire, but that my whole life would be spent making that statement true in practice. Then, I realized I could be free to say that to you, even though my love was selfish and immature. Because I wanted to be working on that love for life.

It wasn’t until Valentines Day that I finally said the words to you–12 years ago today!

CD: Woo-hoo! Happy ‘I Love You’ Anniversary!

CM: Same to you….Maybe as a Valentines Day gift, I will give you all the philosophical reasons for my love. You’d like that, right?

+ + +

And, of course, since that fateful day, CM and I have pointlessly bickered until we died hand-in-hand one night in a nursing home.

Oh wait, that was The Notebook. We both detested that movie. We really are soulmates.

My Next Job Application: President of the United States!

Cool Dad — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 16:56:51 +0000

It’s time to spill the beans. Despite Cool Mum’s shrewdly veiled blog post for my birthday, the word going around discussion forums and nursing homes everywhere is that Cool Dad is now 35 years old.

Okay, it’s true: I’m 35, but who was it that said that Life begins at 35! and 35 is the coolest age yet, and you’re not an irrelevant fogey who needs to start Yelping the best Early Bird Specials in the neighborhood? (I think it was me, on my birthday.)

For work, I’m happy with the flexibility of freelancing, but I always have my eye on cool part-time jobs to shoot for. I might think about a full-time job again if it were amazing enough. Well, I recently realized that there’s a position opening up that I’m qualified for: President of the United States! And now that I’m 35, I’m eligible to apply!

According to Wikipedia, here are the requirements to be POTUS:

Be a natural born citizen of the United States. Despite my dad’s old teasing that I was born in Jamaica (probably during my rasta phase from 1 to 1.5 years), my birth certificate confirms my Connecticut birth.
Be at least thirty-five years old; Yup.
Have been a permanent resident in the United States for at least fourteen years. Been here, done that.

The wiki also states an applicant that meets the above requirements still may be disqualified if:

They’ve already been elected president twice. Nope.
“Upon conviction in impeachment cases, the Senate has the option of disqualifying convicted individuals from holding other federal offices, including the presidency.” I think this means that if I were impeached from another federal office, I might be declared ineligible to be POTUS. Regardless, I don’t think I have to worry about it. I haven’t held an office since college. I’ve barely worked in one, either; my workspaces have all been glorified storage closets.
If you swore an oath to support the Constitution and later rebelled against the United States. I forget if I had to swear to support the Constitution to register to vote or get a CVS ExtraCare card. I’m positive that I haven’t rebelled against dear old America. Unless they mean in an ultra-cool, Rebel Without a Cause James Dean kind of way, which, in my case, is definitely no.

So, I’ve got the green light to apply to be President! Off to Monster.com to find that job posting…

Baby Exercise: Cool Newbie Does Push-Ups! [video]

Cool Dad — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 12:43:42 +0000

You know, I wouldn’t like being talked to, picked up, and handled like a baby. I definitely wouldn’t put up with it for a year and a half!

I guess Cool Newbie feels the same way, ’cause he’s determined to get buff and hold his own around the house. Check out the staple of his workout: extreme push-ups!

It’s Cool Dad’s X5th Birthday!

Cool Mum — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 10:01:47 +0000

It’s not even 5am, and the whole crew is eagerly awaiting the day’s celebrations! I sit here in Cool Dad’s “office” downstairs, trying with all my might to keep Cool Newbie from busting into the bedrooms where everyone else is sleeping. (Why oh why do none of our doorknobs actually latch?) Oops. Cool Boy just came out and joined us in the office now at 4:48am.

Even though this is a normal start-the-day-at-4am routine for us, we ARE all super excited for Cool Dad’s milestone birthday!!! Why? Well, of course, because he is the best guy in the whole entire world to us. We thank God for him and his effortless humor, coolness overflowing from his pores, and caring heart for all of those around him.

On top of this, we are having a family day in the city! Eating and partying our way through the Bronx, Midtown and the Upper East Side! Check our Twitter for the updates!

Be a Cool Parent: Keeping Your Cool

Cool Dad — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 16:57:17 +0000

Love and patience. Patience and love.

This has been my mantra over the last couple of weeks, mostly whispered through a clenched jaw and possibly bulging eyes. Cool Boy has engaged in his most rebellious stage yet, and I’m constantly reminding myself of the proper responses.

Cool Dad, after the 10th "Can I PLEASE just play a computer game?!"

Another thing I repeat to myself is, “How did this happen?” Are we somehow responsible for this sudden shift in behavior? Surely it has nothing to do with hiring that Freddy Krueger to surprise the kids for Halloween.

Actually, I’m sure that the shift wasn’t all that sudden. And we knew that it was inevitable. CB is four and a half now, and he’s his own little guy with feelings and opinions on what he likes and doesn’t like to do.

My frustrations with his behavior are his own fault, you know. I wouldn’t get so annoyed if he weren’t such a cool, well-behaved boy to begin with. I’m consistently amazed at how quietly he can sit through various events and timeshare sales pitches. He won the Goodness Award at kids church. He cleans his own room and offers to help with chores. And he’s a loving big bro to Cool Newbie, almost never pushing or hitting him.

I’m so used to his good behavior that anything contradictory to it is an affront to me. These are the kinds of things I’m talking about:

Occupy Cool Home. More than ever, CB protests when we ask him to do something, whether it’s with, “I don’t want to,” “Can I PLEASE just (some other action),” or simply “NO.” He’ll even protest things that we know he wants to do, like getting ready to go to the park.
Badger badger badger. He repetitively asks for something despite being told “No” the first time.
Grblfshht. Maybe he’s trying to speak Newbie’s language, but he has spells of making guttural grunting sounds. He likes to put his fingers and shirt collars in his mouth, too. Gross.
Say what? This is way nitpicky, but he used to say, “Yes?” or “Yes, Daddy?” when I called his name. Now, there’s a lot more of just “What?”

I know, I know; it’s not bad at all. He could be a lot worse. It’s much like a #firstworldproblem, to quote the Twitter meme of complaining about something trivial when you actually have it really good.

I fight getting angry and raising my voice. But when he cracks a smile when I’m lecturing him, something inside of me ignites like hitting a barrel of gunpowder with a sledgehammer. (Gallagher, NOOO!!!)

As I’ve put more thought and prayer into responding to his misbehaviors, I think it’s getting better. Here’s what I try to remember when Cool Boy acts up – not a list of how to discipline children, but what I tell myself to stay cool.

Compose thyself. I dislike the feeling of losing control. In work situations, I’ve been upset at people but never lashed out or said any biting remarks. I must remember that whether it’s in public or at home, having an outburst is a very uncool thing to do.
Get down to his level. I don’t do this often because A) I’m lazy and only like to bend down to pick up fallen pieces of brownie B) I like the sense of towering over someone (which doesn’t happen often). Still, I need to do it so that I can…
Look him in the eyes. Even as I type this, my heart warms thinking about my Cool ~~Baby’s~~ Boy’s big brown eyes, the same ones I stared into while cradling him in my arms at North Florida Hospital four and a half years ago. I think there’s something in my eye…(sniff)
Speak clearly and firmly. I need to choose my words with purpose. While I might be composed, I’m still frustrated, and I’m the type who can talk myself back into anger. Just ask Cool Mum. Actually, don’t. My words need to be loving, but clear and serious.

And something I’ve found to be helpful after the fact:

Recap. I like to discuss the situation later, when emotions are long-gone. I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but give a gentle reminder in the context of a normal conversation.

This checklist works for me, and hopefully writing this has ingrained it further into my head. Cool Boy will continue to have his moments as he discovers who he is. Even when it’s tough, I pray that I’ll grow and learn alongside him.

Blog City: My Time at the BlogHer Writers Conference

Cool Dad — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 23:36:07 +0000

A very poorly executed representation of my place at the conference. (click to enlarge) - photo: northwesternflipside.com

Looking back on my time at the BlogHer Writers Conference, the opening to Jan and Dean’s “Surf City” makes a splash in my head:

Two girls for every boyyyyyy.

Though it would be more like:

One hundred and twenty gals for every guyyyyy.

I think that attendance for the conference was upwards of 250. Two of us were dudes, but it wasn’t weird at all. I only had a fleeting moment of apprehension at the very start.

I strode into Thursday night’s welcome reception ready to unleash an arsenal of small talk. However, when I got to the bar, the swell of voices, all in the higher register of the fairer sex, disarmed me.

It wasn’t that I was nearly the only guy there. I was mainly afraid that everyone knew each other. (Many looked like they were reconnecting.) It’s hard for me to meet people in situations where everyone is eager to see their friends. Fortunately, there were many others who were attending their first BlogHer conference, too. Small talk was launched and eventually evolved into big talk about blogging, parenting, and even a long discourse on the current state of sci-fi.

The welcome reception was a great setup for Friday’s conference, which was all kinds of incredible. The organization and execution of the whole day were stellar, and I probably ate my registration fee’s worth of food.

Some takeaways from the day:

CONTENT

The various sessions covered the ins and outs of publishing, like turning a blog into a book, finding an agent, and what a publisher does. We heard from professionals in all areas of the industry.
There were small group mentoring sessions. I chose a memoir group, and a literary agent gave each of us tailored advice for writing our memoirs and working to get them published.
Three successful authors talked about their different paths to getting published. Common themes were dealing with rejection and staying persistent. One author had her first two novels rejected by a total of 80 agents before she landed a deal with her third.

NETWORKING

We sat at tables for the sessions, which was great for meeting small groups of people at a time. Every conversation was an opportunity to find out what people are blogging about, which directly leads into learning about their lives. I love doing that.

BOLDNESS

More than a few people commended me for my boldness in attending a conference that was marketed to women. I didn’t feel particularly bold by being there, but I knew what they meant. I’m happy that I took initiative to:

Consistently approach people that I didn’t know.
Stand up and ask a question during the general session. I usually shy away from doing that kind of thing in large crowds. BlogHer CEO Lisa Stone, who moderated the session, welcomed my question by announcing, “It’s a man!”
Tell people about our blog without feeling like I was “shamelessly plugging” it. Of course, this is a lot easier at a bloggers conference, but it was a good start.

Obviously, I had a great time at the conference, and I feel inspired, and more educated, to write. Hopefully this means that I can finally knock out this memoir that I’ve been toying with for the last year and a half.

And I have no doubt that BlogHer throws amazing events. We’ll be sure to attend next year’s annual conference, conveniently taking place in New York City!

2011 BlogHer Writers Conference: I Am So There

Cool Dad — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 18:57:00 +0000

photo: BlogHer

Big plans tonight: I’m hitting Ladies Night at a bar in Midtown! Bigger plans tomorrow: Attending my first writing conference!! And yes, these two shindigs are related.

I’m taking leave of my cozy home office to attend the BlogHer Writers Conference, which kicks off with tonight’s networking reception and continues with a full day of speakers and mentoring groups tomorrow. When I first got the email about the conference, my razor-sharp deductive skills figured that it would be largely female-focused, so I kind of dismissed it.

However, as I read on, I was intrigued by the content of the conference, including

Writing a book from a blog
Mentoring groups on a number of topics (the memoir group particularly caught my eye)
Marketing your book
The different paths taken by three successful authors

And I’ve always wanted to go to a bloggers meetup, where I could make my favorite jokes about comment moderation without the awkward silences. (“What did my blog to say to the irrelevant comment with the suspicious URL? ‘I don’t think we’ve Akis-met…DELETED!‘”)

It made sense for me to sign up; I wanted to learn about everything that was being covered. Whatever book comes out of this blog will appeal nicely to a female audience. And I wanted to network with my fellow denizens of the blogosphere. But I was still worried that the event would be too gender-specific. When BlogHer replied to my email and said that it wouldn’t, I was sold.

And they said that another male BlogHer member was registered, so that makes at least two of us dudes. I’ll be sure to seek him out if I’m overcome with the need to talk about…well, I know nothing of manly topics like car repair or fantasy football. What it’s like to have a Y chromosome?

Either way, I’m excited about the conference. Several people, even ones who don’t live in this apartment, have encouraged me on my writing lately, so this could be a great push in putting my life and thoughts on paper.