Category Archives: checking our cool

There’s something new on the blog that at the same time is something old. You probably haven’t noticed it since it was added last week or so. I’m talking about the “new” item in the middle of the menu bar that says ‘COOL POINTS.’

Long ago, when the blog was young and I was a doe-eyed dreamer at the tender age of 30, we had a fun way of keeping track of our coolness using Cool Points (that we either added/subtracted ourselves, or someone gave to us in the comments). We actually kept a detailed tally of our Cool Points, just like balancing a checkbook, except that one is a crucial life skill and the other a sign of neurotic self-obsession. Continue reading

elle-macpherson-cool-mum

Faded Youth Blog featured legendary supermodel Elle Macpherson after she was spotted taking her kids to school. The blog grants her the title of “Cool Mom,” so Cool Mum and I checked how CM is doing with respect to the 6-time Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover model. We’re not sure how this will pan out, but CM held her own against Jennifer Garner.

1. THE JEANS

Elle is strutting in ripped jeans to sport a vintage look. CM prefers a clean, uniform, form-fitting look to her jeans. I think she calls them jeggings? [-2 cool points]

2. THE ROUTINE

CM has the same daily routine as Elle, minus the strolling through London, dropping the kids off at a nice (likely) private school, and changing out of one’s PJs. [-3 cool points]

3. THE BANK ACCOUNT

Through her work as a supermodel and a savvy businesswoman, Elle has amassed assets in the neighborhood of £60 million. At first we thought that we might catch her someday.

Then we realized that £ stands for British pounds (worth $1.60) and not Zimbabwe Dollars (worth $0.000276). Financial typography fail. [– 3 cool points]

4. THE NICKNAME

Elle Macpherson is known as “The Body,” not a bad nickname for a swimsuit model. Cool Mum is known as “mine.” [+20 cool points]

NET CHANGE: +12 COOL POINTS

I’m a much bigger fan of college football, but when I do follow the NFL, the New England Patriots are my team. Naturally, that means that Pats QB Tom Brady is my guy.

Like myself, Tom is a young father of two. So it would be an injustice to humanity to not take this opportunity to see how my coolness stacks up against the popular pro footballer.

1. THE HAIR

As a millionaire professional athlete, TB likely gets his hair cut by a savvy hairstylist with a keen, discerning eye and fleet fingers.

tom-brady-hair

I last got my hair cut by an elderly Italian barber who eyed me suspiciously as if I would bolt out the door when it was time to pay my $10. [-3 cool points]

cool-dad-bad-hair-life

2. THE FOOTBALL CAREER

TB struggled at first as backup QB at the University of Michigan, but hit his stride in his final years there. In the NFL, he has led the Patriots to three Super Bowl victories and holds a slew of league passing and touchdown records.

During my last football game, I got hurt by a girl. [-4 cool points]

3. THE BLING

From his three victories in The Big Game, Tom has earned three Super bowl rings, each valued at at least $50,000.

On the occasion of my wedding, I consulted a local silver vendor and purchased a ring, valued at at least $5. I’m on my second since I flushed my first wedding ring down the toilet. [-5 cool points]

4. THE WIFE

Tom is married to a modest young Brazilian woman who is up-and-coming in the entertainment world, making her living as a model.

I’m talking about Gisele Bündchen, and when I say model, I mean Victoria’s Secret Angel; and when I say up-and-coming, I mean that she’s languishing as just the 16th richest woman in entertainment; and when I say modest, I am joking. She walks the runway in lingerie. So I’ve heard.

I am married to Cool Mum. [+50 cool points]

NET CHANGE: +38 COOL POINTS

Tom Brady has it all. But the cool thing is: so do I.