A Text Tour of Our Bronx Two-Bedroom Apartment

I’ve been wanting to do a video tour of our two-bedroom apartment in the Bronx. A few things have been standing in the way:

  • lack of natural light
  • non-lack of piles of toys, books, and clothes in every room
  • the feeling I shouldn’t spend time filming and editing said video
  • the fear we couldn’t top the epicness of the tour of the Cool Duplex anyway

There are certainly video-worthy aspects of the place, like the living room door that hung by only one hinge for a week while our landlord was out of town. (I would have drilled it back in, but was afraid of splitting the door frame.) The freezer that hums and roars when I’m trying to write in the kitchen. And Cool Mum came up with an unusual furniture arrangement (that I doubted at first) that put her and me sleeping in the living room while Cool Newbie scored a bedroom and play area (called “The BounceHouse”) all to himself.

So, lacking the time to film and edit a video, lemme just describe the place to you.

  1. While waiting for us to answer the front door, you’ll be standing on a special welcome mat. It’s one that we bought when we moved into our first house in Florida. We like to think that it holds sentimental value in our hearts, that it’s greeted our visitors in Gainesville and several different apartments in NYC. I’ll ignore the fact that it also holds particles of poop from numerous dogs in Gainesville and several areas of NYC.
  2. When we welcome you inside, you’ll notice how dark the hallway is. The hallway is painted a dark sea green color, which absorbs many a photon of useful light. (Unless you’re a big fan of Popular Science, this may be the only blog on which you read the word ‘photon’ today!)
  3. To the left you’ll see The BounceHouse (aka our old bedroom). The really fun part consists of two foam IKEA mattresses on the floor, bordered on all sides by walls, a chaise lounge, and two IKEA dressers. It’s in this padded play area that Cool Baby and Cool Newbie safely roll and tumble while one of us supervises or takes part. Also in the BounceHouse are two closets, which hold all of the Cool ‘Rents’ clothes.
  4. Exit The BounceHouse and take a left. You’ll continue down the dark sea green hallway, noticing that the walking area has been reduced by half by strollers, a granny cart, and diaper boxes that contain things that we’re going to give to Goodwill and things that we should give to Goodwill, but have decided to merely keep in a diaper box on the hallway floor.
  5. Further down on the left, you’ll see a small hallway to the bathroom. As you turn, you’ll spot a coat/utility closet. Huzzah for storage space! Note that our small shoe rack (retrieved from the sidewalk curb) sits in front of this closet door, so any time we need something from the closet, the rack gets pushed forward and the shoes spill out. When the closet door is closed, the shoes are haphazardly kicked back into or under the rack.
  6. The bathroom. Pretty standard except for the strange bingo turner-looking contraption sitting under the towel rack. Yup, it’s the Wonderwash.
  7. Leave the bathroom and continue to your left. Pass the door on your left for now and enter the kitchen. Squeeze past the Pack-and-Play that houses Newbie while CM cooks. The awful growl that you hear isn’t a jet making its approach to LaGuardia Airport; it’s our freezer. The kitchen has decent counter and cabinet space, though it can get tight in there once you add a few people.
  8. Exit the kitchen and take a right into our living room/home office/bedroom. On the left, five photos in light wood frames hang on the wall. They’re from our first trip to Europe, depicting scenes from Salzburg, Venice, Florence, and Cortona (in Tuscany). On the far wall hangs the large blue-and-green painting of a city skyline that our friends painted to decorate the Cool Duplex. Around the room are my decent work desk and horribly squeaky IKEA chair, our TV on my old work desk-turned-TV stand, and our queen-sized bed.
  9. Finally, you’ll end your tour in CB’s room, which looks just like a 4-year-old’s room would look. A little messy with toys, but that’s okay. Our picture from New York Magazine hangs by CB’s bed. I wonder how many of our fellow photo subjects are still in NYC today.

And that’s our two-bedroom apartment in the Bronx! Writing this took far less time than the 5-6 hours we’d spend blocking out, filming, and editing a video. Plus, you got to use your imagination (for better or for worse)!

5 notes on “A Text Tour of Our Bronx Two-Bedroom Apartment

    1. Cool Dad Post author

      Haha – ok. CM was pressing to add pictures yesterday, but I just wanted to post it. Pictures coming – we just have to clean our place first!

  1. Angela

    AWSC fans definitely need a video with music, coat, tie and lots of lalalalala’s…..or something even more creative…

  2. Jward

    Sweet tour even though i have actually witnessed the beauty. Tips for the new place.. Don’t paint the walls! Just paint 1 or 2 accent walls. Its to expensive to keep painting every wall.


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