What do you want your kid to be when he/she grows up? (I want Cool Baby to be a knight, sort of)

One of the Cool Uncles pointed us to what Gizmodo proposes might be The Most Depressing Toy Ever. It’s the Young Explorer by Little Tikes, and it’s a kiddie office cubicle made of plastic, complete with built-in computer and 19-inch monitor. This is the premiere way to prepare your little one for a life of second-guessing that sociology degree.


The Young Explorer can be yours, shipped to your home or childcare facility for a mere $2700. Think of the freedom you would gain as a parent! Your jam-packed days can be simplified to this:

  1. Little One drags himself to the Young Explorer by 9:00am. Plops down and checks his news and sports websites, because keeping up on current events will help him do his job better, right? Then it’s time to work.
  2. Fifteen-minute lunch and then back to the grind with mandatory potty breaks every two hours, of course. Don’t want to have an accident at work!
  3. Puts his clock-reading skills to use, counting down until 5:00pm. You pop in saying that you’re going to need him to stay late, thus buying you another free hour to make dinner.
  4. When he finally gets off the Young Explorer, it’s time for dinner, and then he’s exhausted. Straight to bed for our little worker!

Honestly, I’d like to spare Cool Baby a cubicle-based existence if possible. I want him to pursue his passions creatively and wisely, but I’m not sure what I want him to be. If it were my choice, I would consider the possibilities and narrow down from there:

  • Musician? NO – low odds of making it, too much travel.
  • Writer? NO – need kind of a weird, lonely streak, at least for certain stretches of time.
  • Systems analyst? NO – we’re trying to keep him out of the cubicle, remember?
  • Doctor? NO – the healthcare industry, especially insurance, seems like a big mess.
  • Professional athlete? YES! but with a specific sport: baseball. I’m not a baseball fan, but the overprotective dad in me likes the infrequent violent contact and the lucrative contracts. You’re probably thinking, “But he gets a ball thrown at his head at 90mph like 10 times a game!” I’ve got that figured out with a special uniform that I’ll make him:


I call it Over Armour. What do you think? I think that Cool Baby would be great as a well-paid, ironclad Major League baseball player. I should work some air conditioning inside the steel sports outfit, too. And stealing second might be a bit tough. Anyway, I’ll have it all settled by Opening Day 2030.

What would you like your kiddie to be when (s)he grows up?

7 notes on “What do you want your kid to be when he/she grows up? (I want Cool Baby to be a knight, sort of)

  1. Brook

    We figure out little guy will be a sports star in spite of his mommy and dada being techy nerds who don’t know SQUAT about sports!

  2. Amy

    Had a good laugh at “Over Armor”. Nice one!

    I have no idea what my girls will be and really I just want them to do something they enjoy. Right now they’ve settled on teacher and vet and I’m ok with both of those. However, when the one finds out she’s going to have to give a snake a shot, she’s probably going to change her mind!

  3. Denise

    haha YES, you do need a weird, lonely streak to be a writer! most of my writer-y friends were a bit strange and lonerish as kids, just like me 😉 I’m sure Cool Baby will be more outgoing, based on your stories/videos. hmmm maybe he should grow up to be a professional blog editor or work in startups, because people who work in them tend to be creative and focused, yet not as anal as others who work in similarly fast-paced industries.


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