They’re just not that into us
It’s a common story around the Cool Household. We meet some cool people at a gathering, have a fun talk, and part ways promising to get together in the near future. Then…
1. We call to make good on the promise, but end up playing phone tag.
2. We email back and forth, but can’t nail down a date.
3. We email a little later and don’t get a response.
Strike three, they’re out. But we end up feeling like the losers.
There seem to be two types of people when it comes to social interactions: the initiators and the waiters. As you can guess, the initiators reach out and set up gatherings. The waiters simply wait for the calls and respond.
Given that they’re sought out, the waiters are almost always cool. The initiators… maybe they are or maybe they’re just proactive. Neither position is right nor wrong. They need each other.
Clearly, we’re initiators. Unfortunately, very few waiters are interested in us. This was driven home the other day when CM said for the 200th time:
“I emailed (insert waiter here), but never heard back.”
This phenomenon has plagued me since college. I set up charity events as part of a service club, but despite blanket promotion, the attendance wasn’t there. A small percentage of the social gatherings I tried to put together actually took place.
The silent auction for Bill Clinton’s Legal Expenses sounded like a worthy endeavor. And how could celebrating the series finale of Blossom not be a sure-fire hit?!
Joking aside, it was the beginning of an unprecedented run of unreturned phone calls, emails, smoke signals, etc. Cool Mum was a star at the campus ministry where we met. However, I dragged her down with me.
We’re not sure why this happens. That’s why we formed the list that I posted Monday. Some of them are a little silly, but little things make an impact during a first impression.
We’re a little different. We’re not playing the game right: start slow, act like you’re not interested. We don’t play hard-to-get.
Despite the frustration and rejection, we won’t stop. We’re initiators. Pushy, unashamed initiators.
It hasn’t been for nothing though. Over the years, there have been a precious few who have responded or even reached out to us, sometimes just for a few months before they moved away. However, the bond was set, and we consider them close no matter how vast the distances between us are.
The cool thing is that there is a lesson that God has already shown us in the Bible. CM will hit that up tomorrow.
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CD, that was a bummer of a post! I’m sad for you guys AND sad for me, because I’ve had this happen many times, too. Makes you appreciate the ones you really DO connect with, doesn’t it?
sorry for bringing you down! we’ll have to do a happy post very very soon.
Ah yes. I know how you feel.
Sometimes I’m an initiator…but at some point I decide that the other person is probably really annoyed with me and become a waiter to try to redeem myself. That doesn’t really work well. Haha. Maybe one day I’ll be a cool waiter!
Oh, this is so true! I feel like this has been on the mind recently – trying to be an initiator, but not wanting to take over other people’s schedules.
Hey, if you guys lived closer we’d initiate all the time. In fact, we’d turn YOU into waiters.