Needing to expand my wardrobe beyond decent jeans and worn-out jeans, I recently went to Express for pants. I tried on my usual size, 34 waist, and was pleasantly shocked at their extreme looseness. Chalking it up to a fluke in Express’ sizes, I went for a 33; they still were droopy. I inspected the dressing room for candid cameras. Thankfully nothing.
I reluctantly tried on a pair of 32′s. I was waiting for the waistline to get stuck mid-butt, but it kept going. I snapped on the pants, all without sucking in a deep breath. I felt like a sophomore in college again. PARTY.
The truth was plain: I had lost weight. This caught me completely unawares. Since our move, we haven’t had the luxury of a scale (Publix, how I miss thee). I don’t feel any lighter or leaner, but borrowing a phrase from the late Johnnie Cochran – If the pants don’t fit, you must admit: there’s a little less Cool Dad walking around.
I guess that I’ve unwittingly gone on a diet. And unlike the thousands of fitness “gurus” and snake oil salesmen out there, I’ll give you my secrets for free.
THE COOL DAD NYC DIET
1) Move to New York City.
The stress of leaving everything you know and love behind for the big scary expensive city sure burns some calories.
2) Walk everywhere.
We have two spiffy cars back in Florida. Here, we have our legs and that’s it. The nearest subway stop is about 3/4 mile from our place. I do a lot of walking – more than I’ve done in my whole life. And obviously, it’s good for me.
3) Live in Manhattan with a family of 3 on a tight budget.
All of the savory restaurants are tempting, but having a rent, mortgage, and a disheartening number of expenses curbs the appetite quite nicely. Cooking at home tends to be healthier anyway. We’re not struggling or starving by any means, and we don’t want to be, so that’s why we’re keeping frugal.
And that’s it for the diet! Quite simple, huh? Publishers, you can send your book deal proposals to the email at the right.
Don’t forget the fourth component!
#4: Marry someone like Cool Mum who makes the same bland meals over and over again.
What would you like tonight, dear? Beans and rice or pasta with vegetables? Oh, are you sure you don’t want seconds? Okay, well how about I freeze some of the leftovers for you to take to work tomorrow? (said leftovers have been sitting in the freezer for 2 months now) hahaha
you’re a funny one. otherwise, no comment…
And don’t forget the ever-so-helpful waist-trimming tip of patting the grease off the pizza with a napkin!
I think the walking thing is a big deal. After all, my grandma has been saying since I was 6 months old, “Oh, she’ll lose that baby fat once she starts walking.”
Still waiting, Grandma…
(And congrats, Cool Dad! Way to get into your skinny jeans in January – way before any of those diet gurus promise!
)
I need that diet plan! Eden did ask to walk to school today. It’s 2 miles one way, through heavy traffic. Maybe it’s not a bad idea though, in light of Cool Dad’s recent discoveries…
i wonder if this diet works on the southern california coast too???
i’ll have to think about that one.
that’s awesome! I should just force myself to walk everywhere…the closest grocery store is 4 miles, and there’s no bus or train!