With 2 small parks and Central Park all within walking distance, the boy not only has been enjoying the outdoors and playgrounds, but he’s been interacting with other kids a lot more.
Last week at the park, he was playing with a ball when an older kid, maybe 10, came up to him. CB was innocently rolling the ball along the ground, enjoying its roundness, when the kid suddenly kicked the ball away. The boy, in his coolness, thought nothing of it and chased the ball down. The older kid/thug, let’s call him Billy the Bully, came up to the boy and took the ball away from him and played with it himself. This exchange happened a few times.
Now, Billy didn’t outwardly appear mean. He was genuinely smiling at me while I watched this assault go down, like he just wanted to play. However, that’s typical of evil tormenters. They seem like the friendly neighbor until they smash your son’s tricycle with a sledgehammer.
I restrained myself and calmly told Billy the Felon to let the boy play with the ball. Eventually, Billy lost interest and went to bother some other kids. Later, we saw some kids were yelling at him while he stood unfazed on the end of a slide, preventing their sliding fun.
My gut instinct wanted to punish Billy the Spawn of Hell, like by
- dumping a full bottle of water on his head
- pantsing him in front of the whole playground
- threatening him with the full wrath of the blogosphere
but by God’s grace, I refrained.
Since we’re new to the rough turf of the playground, what should I do when someone messes with my Cool Baby?
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Depending on the age of the tormentor, any reaction between gentle redirecting and public humiliation is completely appropriate. My tendency is to look around for the child’s parent, make some kind of snap judgment about why the child is behaving the way he is based on the parent’s behavior at that time, and harshly stare in his/her direction while clutching my child tightly to me (preferably crying, for dramatic effect.)
HOWever, don’t miss the teaching opportunity with your own child! These are great chances to say “how did that make you feel? You didn’t like it when he took the ball. We don’t want to make other people feel that way…” or “I really like the way you shared that ball. I think Jesus would have let the bully have the ball, too…”
Timely, to say the least.
I visited my Kindergarten son for lunch on Monday. I joined him during his recess right afterwards and watched as they all played tag. Then I saw a kid that used to be friends w/ him repeatedly pushing him on the ground.
I can’t tell you how upset I felt. My initial reaction was to also string him up by his toes, but I knew that wasn’t the best course.
The rest of my day at work was spent with a knot in my stomach realizing that I can’t control the quality of my son’s life 24/7.
I’m still trying to figure out how to best handle that situation and others to come. Obviously he started his martial arts training on Tuesday.
Well, first you need to begin training. Based on your post title, I would suggest starting with “Wax on, wax off.”
Seriously, sorry Cool Baby got picked on. I think I’ve read in parenting magazines that you can say to the mean kid something like, “Do you want to play? We can share the ball.” or even “Please don’t take away our ball.”
Although, the harsh stare at the parents might work, too.
amy – unfortunately, i saw no parents in sight to scowl at. good advice on the teaching though. i’ll have to remember that next time. after the pantsing.
mudpuppy – wow, i feel the anger rising in me for your son, too. trying times are ahead…
pq – if only i had a guitar, i think ‘cool dad crew’ would do a great cover…
seriously. next time, get a pic of the kid and post it on your blog. we got your back cool baby!
no. i cant believe kids bully a toddler these days. really? unbelievable!
Although I don’t have first hand experience as my first baby is still a baby I have heard some good stories concerning this topic. One of the best involved slightly older kids (junior high-ish age) but I’ll post it anyway. A boy was getting picked on everyday at summer camp by a bully. He came home every night from the day camp and told his mom about it – she gave him good advice about not taking it to heart, not retaliating with violence, etc. but nothing worked. Finally on the last day of the camp they went to pick him up and he pointed the bully out to his dad. The dad went up to the bully and said something like “Thank you for being so kind to my son, I’m really appreciative of your maturity and friendship.” The kid didn’t know what to say and wouldn’t have looked more wide eyed had the dad pantsed him. Maybe we need to respond with love – show the bully that we want to play with him and he doesn’t need to be mean to get attention?
tam – good thinking!
onehot – but showing love doesn’t sound as funny as pantsing a kid! but yes you’re right.
Yeah, I’ll have to agree with Photoqueen about beginning karate lessons or…. boxing. Invaluable for life. Even the Christian life.
This brought up all those nightmare flashbacks of my days as a parent helper on the elementary school playground. I’m probably not the one to give advice. The only little girl I gave a harsh talking to ended up being the principals daughter! True story.
Just send Chuck Norris after the bully. That’ll teach him.
Sorry. No experience or (valid) advice to offer just yet. =)
brenda – oops! i hope that didn’t come back to bite you.
rachel – we’re looking into having Mr. Norris be CB’s bodyguard. i’m sure he’d donate his time for a good cause, right?
Nice Peter Cetera refernce there!
I am a child of the 80s!
I had similar experiences with my girls at playgrounds. I am not as shy as I probably should be with my parenting of other peoples children. “She’s just a little girl. Leave her alone and go play with someone your own age.” Yes, I literally said that to a 10 year old boy picking on my 3 year old (at the time). He tried getting smart, “No, I’m not your mom, but I can ask you to not bully a small child.”, he left. Doesn’t always work and isn’t always comfortable or appropriate (if his folks had been there I would have said something to them instead), but worth it to protect my girls.