This is more the territory of Back Porch Confessions or Flowerdust, but I’ll give it a go. I’ve been meaning to post about this, and Brody’s post about the ‘Healer’ incident is motivating me to finally do it.
Our old church had a few leaders resign due to various errors in judgment. The congregation was usually asked not to inquire about what happened and to “respect the privacy of the family.”
I believe in respecting the privacy of the family. And I dislike gossiping, especially when it concerns believers who have fallen. However, I don’t feel comfortable being told not to ask what happened. It feels like a message that it’s none of my business.
If the body of Christ is a family, then the family’s struggles are a little of my business. Obviously, that doesn’t mean that I should be allowed to know everyone’s secret shames.
However, I feel like it’s a little different when it’s someone in leadership. When it’s a person that I and the congregation have been supporting with tithes and prayer. When it’s someone that I’ve entrusted the spiritual guidance of my family with. If the boy’s youth pastor suddenly resigned due to some impropriety, I would very much want to know something about the situation.
I’m not saying that a leader’s sins should be featured on the front page of the bulletin. But I don’t see the harm in at least letting the congregation know what the struggle is, and how they can pray. Also, I think that the most effective weapon against gossip is the truth.
I’m not upset about how things were handled at the church. They were very loving in how they dealt with the situations. It just stuck with me that I felt like it was none of my business.
My belief is that truth and openness are greater than imposed silence. I may be off-base in how I feel about this. Please let me know! I’d love to hear what you all think — especially since many of you work in churches.
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I feel the same way you do. Asking the congregation not to ask will probably just fuel the gossip. Whereas, coming out with the truth and encouraging the congregation to forgive (if needed) and pray for this individual seems like a much better way to go.
Whoo! That’s a sticky subject, CD! I understand what you’re saying, but I think there are a couple risks to telling all. Or even telling a little bit.
One, some people are overly curious. I’m one of them, otherwise I’d probably just call that group of people nosy. So giving them (me) a little bit of information is never going to be enough.
Two, gossip is often camouflaged as a prayer request. And I think what you’re proposing could quickly head down that road.
But I do see what you’re saying. And as a body of believers, a family in Christ, it does seem as if we should know what our leaders are up to.
I don’t know. I’ve struggled with this sort of issue (though not this one in particular) after being heavily involved in a church plant that failed. Where does respecting and even submitting to our leaders leave off and where does accountability begin? I don’t know…
CD – nice BPC reference!
I am with you. I heard Mark Driscol (who is controversial enough himself) talking about “coming into the light” means to to come clean of all your hidden sins. Even if that means letting your whole “family” know. Tam did a great job of expressing this is a blog a week or so ago as well.