Dear Son,
I am sitting in the corner of your room in the dark. Right now, you are sleeping peacefully next to your mum.
I can’t sleep. Last night was hard. You woke up at 1:00 am, and I came in here to comfort you back to sleep. Then you woke up at 2:00. Then 4:00. And then you cried on and off until 6:00.
From what I could tell, nothing was wrong. Your diaper was dry. You ate a snack before bed. Your temperature was fine, but you wouldn’t sleep.
I laid next to your play yard almost all night. I did that so you knew that you were not alone. Also because you can climb out. I hardly slept and got agitated.
At 6:00, I asked your mum where the diapers were. I was upset. In my frustration, I said that I was “sick of you” as I trudged to the garage to get diapers from our car. Immediately after saying that, I felt sorry.
I changed your diaper and brought you to your mum. I then dropped to my knees and prayed to God for forgiveness and repentance for that statement. I don’t ever want to be “sick of you.” God has never been sick of me — I should NEVER feel that way about you.
As I tried to sleep, you laid next to your mum. You had a little laugh in your sleep. I imagined that you were dreaming about the fun times when I swing you in the air, and my eyes welled up. Then I thought of how I would feel if you went away, and I wept.
Even during the hard times, I want to be a loving, patient father. I know that I will get frustrated in the future, maybe even tonight, but I should not say or do anything out of that frustration. I’m sorry.
The next few weeks are going to be difficult. As we’re moving to New York, there will be a lot of changes for you. The places will be new and strange. You will be seeing a lot more people everywhere.
You’ve been waking in the middle of the night this week, and I confess that I’ve told your mum that you might ruin the trip for us. I’m sorry for that, too. You will make the trip a joy, even if there are sleepless nights. I’m excited about the adventures that we’ll have together.
I love you, son. I want to be a father to you like God is to me. I hope that this small display of love will be a good step toward that.
Sweet dreams,
dad
Related posts:
- Best diaper change ever
- How I got 2 pounds of rice and 40 diapers for free (sort of)
- oh no…
- I just ate a large jar of strained peas
- A crib sheet on crib sheets
Thanks for the authenticity CD… There was healing from your words, for me, in my imagining them coming from my own Dad. They fit, even today. Thank you.
ANd for what it is worth, I am praying for you all and watching so closely how things unfold. Although we may be miles apart, it feels like we are in this together. Blessings, peace, and an extra helping of Grace to you, CM, and CB.
In Christ,
Mocha
CD–I am so happy to be married to someone who is so quick to repent and patient with our boy. You are a constant example for me to follow!
On another note, I think I saw the tip of Cool Baby’s very first molar about to poke through. All this pain and suffering so that he can enjoy a steak dinner with CD some day! (The girl in me says, “Is it really worth it?” But, I’m sure CD would say, “absolutely.”)
I’ve been there…
Ya know, the little man can probably feel the change in the house happening. That throws little ones off…when they sense change coming.
And teeth, teeth are likely culprits.
i didnt have a dad growing up. if i had the chance to do life over again. id pick you to be my dad.
you have blown me completely away.
all dads, or dads to be…take lessons from CD!
the inFamily loves the Cool Family…very much!!!
Yeah, tears in the eyes on this one. =) Sounds like there are lots of changes ahead for you guys…looking forward to hearing more as it unfolds.
God bless.
Even though I’m a mom and not a dad, I am adopting this letter as my own. My kids are older – 4, 6 and 7. And I STILL say things I don’t mean like you did in your frustration. All we can do is be quick to repent and tell them how we truly feel about them and ask Christ to love them better through us. Thanks for this post.
Tasha
I’ve been there, too. I know that sinking feeling that comes after words escape the lips and hang there in the ears. “Did I really just say that?!”
Frustration is normal; it’s the tongue we need to reign in! Even when nobody is around.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful letter to your son. Your huge love for him shines right through it.
I hope your family makes some wonderful memories during this move. Count it all joy! God bless.
mocha – wow, thank you for sharing that. it's amazing what God is doing in our lives, both online and off!
CM – i'm happy to be yours as well.
mandy – he's been sleeping better, it probably was the teeth.
tam – CoolFam & InFam BFF!
rachel – thanks. i didn't mean to make you cry!
tasha – i bet the little bits of frustration never end. i believe my parents have felt the same way about me recently!
annie – yes, i've suffered from foot-in-mouth disease for quite a while now.