I’m a social person. And I want to be courteous to others. I certainly don’t say that to credit myself for anything. I’m sure part of it is just routine and not wanting to bother with confrontation.
So, if I pass someone in the hall or on a sidewalk, I try to acknowledge them. I devised this chart to help me.
In all my years of passing someone in the hall or on a sidewalk, I’ve observed that there are three types of people who walk halls and sidewalks (borrowing from CM’s people-type system in the last post).
Type 1: People who acknowledge you somehow, whether with a smile, nod, or even verbal greeting. (I fall into this category)
Type 2: People who avoid eye contact with you, by either staring at the ground, looking off somewhere, or pretending to answer their phone when in actuality they hold the banana they were saving as a snack to their ear.
Type 3: People who look you dead in the eye as you approach and then go back to their business as if you were invisible.
I think the world would be a happier place if everyone was a Type 1. Now that I type that, I realize that it would be impractical in somewhere like New York. That would be a lot of smiling, nodding, and greeting and no one would ever get anywhere. But in one-on-one passings, I think Type 1 behavior is always called for.
However, I mostly encounter Type 2s and 3s. Is it just me? Is it because I wear a mesh cap that says “Cool Dad” everywhere I go?
Now, for the question that inspired this whole post. Which do you think is worse: Avoiding eye contact altogether or making eye contact but not acknowledging your existence?
Related posts:
- Walking to worship
- Confession: I like to see people fail (and break their iPhones)
- Come on people now, smile on your browser…
- Running into people (in a non-violent way)
- Three cheers for the blogosphere!
My opinion is that making eye contact but not acknowledging your existence is more harsh than
avoiding eye contact altogether. To me, the latter is not personal. It simply says that they are too busy, in their own world, or feel too awkward to say “hello.” To me, the former says that they looked you up and down and decided that you are not worth their acknowledgement, which is personal. Or that they, also, may be too awkward to say “hello”. I used to smile, but living in the city has jaded me. Maybe I should move back to a small town in the south where everyone says “howdy”, so I don’t have to deal with the issue
When I see Tim Tebow on campus, it basically validated my existence.
Only not really…
…but still.
On campus, there’s a whole lot of avoiding eye contact with people you know (especially people from high school) whom you don’t really feel like talking to. Everyone does this. I am a person who has a hard time with this–and mostly it’s my own insecurities and shyness that keeps me from acknowledging people…I’m afraid of getting into a conversation where I won’t know what to say! But lately I’ve realized how silly this is, and God has been convicting me about how it’s not silly…it’s not good. Me walking around campus in my own bubble, rushing from one place to another, does nothing to glorify God or show people His love.
Type 3 is the worst, it’s just rude. I’m a type 2 and I can’t stand type 1 either. If it’s someone I see all the time (whether I know them or not, we might just happen to be always walking the same path at the same time) it’s okay, but from strangers it’s weird.
This topic sort of reminds me of the short film “The Fine Line Between Cute and Creepy.”
I am type one. although i sometimes feel lame cause im a head noder and it makes me feel like an old man or i should have a cowboy hat on or something.
Usually you can tell when a type3 is coming and i give it right back to them. if they dont want to look at me than thats fine. I’ll just keep to my business too.
The only time i will purposefully avoid eye contact is if im out of my league. these are people who are, Crazy, seriously scary, naked, yelling at their friend, or things like that.
Oh, and the ocational, extreamly hot girl.
anon – i’m with you on this. i dislike the ‘look you in the eye, look away’ method.
lindsey – great point! there’s love in eye contact.
reese – i agree, it can be kind of creepy. Creepy Dad doesn’t have the same ring that Cool Dad has though.
randy – throwing in an upward ’sup? kind of nod might make you feel a little less John Waynish. And I agree, I choose my battles. If someone seems way creepy, I go Type 3 on them.
you wear a mesh hat with cool dad on it?….seriously?
I would agree that type 3 is the worst. Whenever this happens to me I follow them until they acknowledge me. My longest ’stalking’ has been 15 mins 32 secs.
BTW – you should sell those mesh hats on the site – it would be like printing money.
Unless I’m somewhere where I know a lot of people or have something in common with them (such as place of employment), then I am usually a Type 2.
In my Type 1 moments with strangers, maybe at the mall or something, I actually mouth the word “hi” sometimes. How weird is that? Anyone else mouth “hi” without any sound coming out? Would it be that hard to actually say the word?
I talk to everyone. I tell strangers I like their glasses or that it’s raining outside. I help people who are holding maps and looking lost – I just can’t help myself. And yes, CM, sometimes I mouth “hi” or give awkward “knowing” smiles or looks. I don’t know what that’s about.
But, I am also very guilty of avoiding people I Actually Know. It must be a control thing. With a stranger, I am dominating the conversation – I started it, I can finish it. With an acquaintance, it can be minutes of total awkwardness or an hour of catching up and I never know how to handle those encounters. So, I avoid.
I like the idea of saying hi to everyone you pass on the street in New York. I think that would be a hilarious documentary project. Who’s in?
Eye contact + no acknowledgment makes me feel more awkward than none at all. Granted, I am type 1 all the way…I have resorted to type 2 if I really don’t want to be bothered by someone, minus the banana. I usually just pretend to be be texting. I’ll own up to it! haha And if I ever employ type 3 tactics, it is never intentional but usually because I’m incredibly tired or distracted.
Of course, I try not to do the “how are you?” greeting with no intention of stopping and really hearing how someone is. Usually I just say, “Good to see you!” or “Hey, have an awesome day!”
Perhaps there’s a type 4 we’re not addressing here: people who walk around with their iPod earbuds in and stare into space. That kinda freaks me out, to be honest.
=)
Rachel, the phone blue tooth and ear bud thing creeps me out too. Especially when they start talking or singing. Just don’t do that people! Please!
I’m a type 1 and type 3. Mostly 1 though. I put 1 into high gear around Christmas time. i love greeting greeting grumpy shoppers in the mall. it makes me laugh. is that mean?
anon – well, the hat did come free with my Cool Dad tube socks.
matt – wow, that’s like road rage, but it’s walking instead!
CM – i am guilty of the mouthing. like i’m so nervous/shy that no sound comes out. or a little does and i sound like a mouse
amy – i’m totally in! who’s funding it?
rachel – i’m guilty of the ‘How are you?’ tactic. i just employed it yesterday. someone that i really want to know how they were. and you’re right about Type 4 – people who create their own bubble where they have no obligation to interact with anyone.
tam – if you’re like me, i’d say 95% nice, 5% mean. i know some small part of me likes to see what reaction i get from them knowing that they don’t want to be bothered.
I have to vouch for Amy here – She really does do this and it is awesome. Just this past weekend at church – the sheriff who guards our cross walk (yeah I don’t understand it either) was wearing cool ‘Top Gun’ Aviator sunglasses – you know the ones with the mirror lenses.. I was thinking – wow those are cool – just as the thought passed Amy looks at the guy and says “those are cool sunglasses.” I looked at her and said “it is so nice to know that I can count on you to say what I am thinking!”
As for the Documentary – I say we do a dry run in the ‘ville. As a side Doc we could ’stalk’ Tebow!
When I saw the title of this post on my reader I was stoked! I waffle between 1 & 2, mostly in 1. There was a time in college when I decided to speak to EVERY PERSON I passed on our campus of 45,000 people. It only lasted for a few minutes each time I “ran the experiment” and it didn’t apply to the huge plaza where 5,000 people might be between classes. Needless to say, 95% of the people only looked at me strangely as they saw/heard me coming…”hi, hello, howdy, hey there, hi!”
Hate types 3 & 4.
Type 3 is worse, cause then I can’t just stare and study them as they walk by. It would be too awkward and weird.